


Milk (and Honey)

by YaeL (thesometimeswarrior)



Category: Jewish Legend & Lore, Jewish Scripture & Legend, Post-Biblical Jewish RPF, מדרש | Midrash, תלמוד | Talmud
Genre: Collection: Purimgifts Day 2, Ficlet, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Prison, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-16 08:11:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18090659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesometimeswarrior/pseuds/YaeL
Summary: "More than the calf wishes to suck, the cow wants to suckle."As Akiva awaits execution in prison, Shimon visits his teacher.





	Milk (and Honey)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rebecca_selene](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebecca_selene/gifts).



> Here's another important story in the Talmud that a) feels really important in understanding the character of a few more of the important figures in the Rabbinic story, and b) felt really rife for me in terms of Hurt/Comfort potential.
> 
> Source in the end note. Enjoy! :)

It’s admittedly been months since he’s been here to see his teacher—the Roman wardens only allow one visitor per day, and most often Yehoshua haGarsi had been afforded that honor—but Shimon doesn’t remember it being quite _this_ difficult. Akiva sits, huddled against the mud-wall of his cell, his old tunic ratted, his grey hair and beard matted. But even these, these physical markers of captivity, don’t faze him as much as the expression on his teacher’s face, how his lips quivers, how his eyes sink. 

Akiva had once been a vanguard of optimism—sometimes the only vanguard of optimism—among their people, had reportedly found joy and hope for a better future even among the ruins of Jerusalem, while his peers and his own teachers could only weep. And Shimon has witnessed this ethos, imbibed it. He’d seldom ever seen his teacher _frown._

Now, though, the aged man before him looks as though he has never smiled a day in his too-long life. 

(They’d finally set the execution date.)

(The thought of Akiva’s death shakes Shimon. And Akiva’s arrest had shaken him too—but he’d known, they’d all known, especially recently, the dangers of teaching Torah. That the Romans authorities could and would inevitably arrest and execute one of the Sages for doing so…and Akiva purposefully taught more publicly than most. What scares him more—causes his stomach to lurch and makes him feel that the walls of the study hall are falling down onto him—is the admittedly intuitive notion that when his teacher dies, it won’t be with a smile on his face. The idea that the Romans have the power to rob even Akiva of his optimism…of the essence of who and what he is.)

So, it’s potentially for selfish reasons that Shimon resolves to smile _for_ Akiva as he announces his presence before him…as if that simple action could transmit joy, and therefore make the world beneath Shimon’s feet stable once again. “Hello, Master.”

Akiva hardly glances up. 

“How are you?”

A grunt.

Shimon sighs, then sits. And then revelation strikes him like a mountain: His teacher has worked and found innumerable meanings in each glimmering letter of Scripture, has discovered multitudes in even each adornment on those letters. Akiva’s optimism never materialized out of nowhere, or out of will alone. Rather, it is, has always been, the beauty of the _tradition_ that’s drawn the milk-and-honey joy from Akiva’s lips. 

And if such power could be found in the tradition, such joy, surely Akiva could find it again, here, now…

“Master,” he says. “Teach me Torah.”

“No.” It’s another grunt. A growl. The man keeps his gaze firmly fixed on the ground. 

“Well,” Shimon replies, a change in tactic, a wry smile, a desperate attempt to break to the tension. “If you won’t teach me, I’ll just have to call the authorities, and have you turned over to—”

A whimper.

And then a lurch of guilt. “No, Master, I’m sorry, I was jokin—”

“I know.” At last, Akiva raises his head, and looks at his student's face, and it’s only then that Shimon sees the glint of tears in his teacher’s eyes. “It’s alright, I know. And I _want_ to...My son, more than the calf wants to suck, the cow wants to suckle…desperately, desperately, I desperately want to teach you, but I _can’t_ , I…” a sob, and when the man’s voice returns to him, it’s in a whisper. “I’m so afraid.”

The admission that momentarily robs of Shimon of breath. _Of course_ Akiva is afraid—any man would be in the face of death—but, he supposes, though he hadn’t realized it until this moment, he’d never quite seen his teacher as the human being that he is.

When he returns to himself, he reaches through the bars, grips his teacher’s hand. 

“They’re going to kill me,” Akiva croaks.

“I know. I’m sorry.” His voice is quiet, sincere. “That’s why you _have_ to teach me.”

Akiva’s eyebrows crease.

“Who is in danger?” Shimon says, grasping onto his teacher’s metaphor. “Isn’t it the calf?”

“My son, I would not risk _your_ life—”

“But I would! I _will_ , gladly, proudly. It would be my honor! And,” A shaky breath. He feels salt water prick his eyes “And when…when you’re _gone_ , Master, I will transmit your teachings to others and keep them alive, and we will _remember_ you.”

“Shimon—” 

“ _Please_ let me do this for you, Master.”

“But—”

“Let me do it for _me_.”

Teacher’s eyes meet student’s. Akiva holds the gaze for a long moment, and eventually something like understanding passes between the two of them. Shimon needs the teachings, but he needs his teacher to be the joyous man he has been for most of his life more, needs to be able to remember him as that man. And how could Akiva, so invested in the happiness of others, refuse him that one solace? 

“Very well,” he relents at last.

When he begins to expound—if only for an instant—the ghost of contentment, sweetness, pulls at his lips. 

(Shimon drinks it in, finds that he can breathe.)

**Author's Note:**

> While I drew on several bits of Talmud here, the main story to which this piece is related can be found [here](https://www.sefaria.org.il/Pesachim.112a?lang=bi). (Midway through the page, beginning with "The Gemara continues to cite similar advice dispensed by Rabbi Akiva. Rabbi Akiva commanded Rabbi Shimon ben Yoḥai..."
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! I love comments!


End file.
